WHY DOES MY PUSSY HURT DURING SEX?

When speaking to a gynecologist or googling “vaginal pain” a list of these usual pain culprits arises:
*Endometriosis * Allergic reactions to condoms/lubricant * STI’s * STD’s * Menopause * Cancer Treatments * Pelvic Floor Dysfunction * Postpartum * Hormonal Changes * Vulvodynia * Post-Surgical swelling * Fibroids * Vaginal Dryness * Internal Tears * Interstitial cystitis * Vaginismus *

However, what if you do not experience/have any of these and STILL feel discomfort and pain during intercourse???

Sometimes our lifestyle choices, especially the ones in the bedroom, perpetuate the pain that we feel during love-making.

Pain is the body’s coping mechanism with stress. It is the body’s message that something is not working correctly nor in alignment. Pain is your body speaking with you, asking for attention and change.

Often women unconsciously tense up their vaginal muscles during intercourse. Tensing up or “freezing” is a body’s natural response to something scary or unwelcome. When the body experiences ongoing vaginal discomfort, it develops stress symptoms such as numbness, irritation, dampened libido, lack of lubrication, vaginal infections and even chronic vaginal muscle spasms and/or stinging pain. The vagina armors itself in order to protect itself. Penetration feels forced. This is a form of sexual trauma in the body which can range from subtle discomfort to extreme pain.

A woman’s sexual discomfort is affected not only by physical ills but also by her lifestyle choices and personal relationships.

What I can’t emphasize enough is the PUSSY ENVIRONMENT which you create for yourself. Goddess workshops and orgasmic online courses aside, it does not really matter how much you study sexuality and practice your daily pussy kegels. If you are in a toxic pussy environment, then you won’t be enjoying sex nor feeling pleasure or orgasms.

The number one step to pleasure is taking an honest look at your sex life and realising where you are disrespecting your body and not aligning with your true needs.

You can spend years in sex therapy, read every sex book and try every lubricant, but if you are not willing to make real changes in your life, then you’ll continue to fail. Identifying a toxic pussy environment is the first step in improving your sex life.

If you are experiencing vaginal discomfort/pain, here is a list of clues to look into to understand why your body is reacting in self-defense and why it hurts.

  • Years and years of unsatisfactory conventional sex which kills female pleasure and libido.
  • Sex out of obligation within a relationship, sometimes for years on end. Allowing the vagina to be penetrated even when it is not aroused. Sex with an undesired partner, never feeling aroused during love-making.
  • Lack of conscious foreplay to fully arouse and open the body. Allowing your body to be penetrated before the vagina is fully aroused, wet and open.
  • Lack of natural vaginal lubrication due to lack of arousal, arousal non-concordance or menopause.
  • Ongoing unwanted or aggressive sex which lacks in tenderness, love and care.
  • Allowing the partner to continue penetrating you even past your personal comfort levels in order to please them. You feel that sex is purely for the enjoyment of your partner. Feeling like they masturbate with your vagina. You are bored during sex and dissociated, thinking of other things. You can’t wait for sex to finish.
  • Feelings of mistrust or resentment towards a sexual partner. Emotional disconnection with the sexual partner.
  • Your partner is an alcoholic/drug addict/unloving/cheater/abusive/disrespectful/uninterested/boring. Your body literally fears and mistrusts this person.
  • You have recurring yeast infections and during intercourse cannot stop thinking about them.
  • Physical partner incompatibility (ex. too-large phallus/penis)
  • Unprocessed fear and shame from childhood (ex. sex-negative religious upbringing). You have shameful feelings about sex. You can’t relax. Deep inside you feel that you are doing something wrong or dirty.
  • Inability to create healthy boundaries for the self. Having sex/intercourse even when not wanting it or when it hurts. Not speaking up and faking pleasure. Having sex when drunk or intoxicated.
  • Confusion about personal sexual orientation. Having sex with partners without true desire for them.
  • Tensing the body and vagina in order to chase an orgasm, instead of relaxing fully into pleasure sensations.
  • Having the kind of sex which feels shameful to you (ex. cheating or sex before marriage).
  • Lack of your partner’s sexual desire for you. You feel unloved, untouched, undesired. The body tenses in order to protect the heart in pain.
  • You have recently given birth or had pelvic floor surgery. You are scared of pain and having sex before the body has fully healed.
  • You are a virgin and only have anal/oral sex yet worried each time that your partner will accidentally enter your vagina. This fear translates to your vagina.
  • You are worried of getting pregnant (ex. using only pull-out method)
  • You no longer love your partner. You have been cheating on them or in love with someone else.
  • You are ashamed of your body and cannot stop feeling insecure about it during sex. (Ex. sucking in your tummy to look skinnier or having sex exclusively in the dark)
  • Psychosomatic fear and tensing of the pelvic floor muscles after unpleasant sexual experiences (ex. child sexual abuse, sexual harassment or rape). Sex often triggers painful memories and reactions.
  • You are allergic to your partner’s bodily fluids, condoms, sex toys or lubricants.
  • You are having unsanitary sex with unwashed pleasure toys, dirty hands, or un-manicured fingernails.

Listen to your pussy. What is she saying to you? What is she asking for?

In order to heal yourself, you need to understand what it is that you are healing from. Often our pain is created by our own actions. We must take responsibility for the type of pussy environment we are creating and allowing in our lives.

There are MANY reasons for vaginal pain and discomfort. DO NOT self-diagnose. See a doctor first. Discuss these matters with your gynecologist, therapist or pelvic floor specialist.

Gifts for You:

  • Online course with video tutorials, teaching how to touch a woman’s body with tenderness and pleasure.
  • I highly recommend to read Tami Lynn Kent’s book “The Wild Feminine”. It is a fantastic book about taking care of your pussy.
  • This is my favorite pussy massager CURVE TOY to release vaginal muscle tension with self-massage and sensual self-pleasuring.
    USE DISCOUNT CODE: YONI

Love you, kittens!

About the Author: Elena Rossi is the creator & founder of The Yoni Empire. She is a women’s Orgasm Coach, Sex Educator, pleasure toy designer, full-time writer and lover of all things pleasure-related. She writes shamelessly about eroticism, supporting women with overcoming sexual challenges and tapping into their pleasure potential. She is on a mission to nourish women, one orgasm at a time – connecting heart, body and mind. Follow her at @the_yoni_empire.

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