The sad reality is that most people are having mediocre, conventional sex. Even consistent orgasms, whether solo or with a partner, do not guarantee long-term sexual satisfaction in relationships.
Conventional sex = crappy sex. Conventional sex is ego-based. It is about numbers, intensity, achievement, performance and looks. It is no wonder that women are having a hard time orgasming. It is simply not worth your time, your effort or your energy.
Conventional sex = crappy sex.
Concentrated on the most efficient and fastest orgasmic release, both partners work hard to reach an orgasm and complete sex “successfully”. The ability to make your partner orgasm is considered the ultimate proof of adequacy as a great lover.
The tragedy of modern love-making is its blind obsession with genital stimulation and orgasm. The irony is that this obsession is what keeps women from relaxing into pleasure during sex. Unaware of their pleasure potential, women begin to feel ashamed, assuming something is wrong with them rather than with the sex they are having.
Unaware of their pleasure potential, women begin to feel ashamed, assuming something is wrong with them rather than with the sex they are having.
At the beginning of any sexual relationship, novelty takes over the pleasure experience. Novelty fuels initial sexual excitement and satisfaction. However, once the newness fizzles out, boredom and lack of desire begin to appear.
It is easy to be excited about something new, even if it is not that great. In an attempt to maintain the heat of novelty sex, instead of going deeper into understanding their own sexual psyche and building intimacy, partners seek out intense sexual stimulations such as new sexual partners, pornography, and high-intensity sex toys. Very often, these things do not improve nor sustain sexual satisfaction.
We are living in a culture of severely under-fucked and unloved women. Women living without the ambiance of sensual love wilt and dry up like flowers, often experiencing depression, despair and stress.
If you are having a hard time experiencing pleasure and orgasms during sex, it could be due to the following reasons:
1. You are having sex with someone you do not actually like or truly attracted to. There is no real interest nor passion towards your partner. There is a chance they are a complete stranger. There is a lack of trust, vulnerability or intimacy.
2. The kind of sex you are having is not in alignment with your true desires (ex. having rough sex while yearning for sensual love-making). You are doing what you think is considered good/trendy/cool sex.
3. You are trying to impress your partner during sex instead of enjoying yourself and your body. Your full concentration is on them.
4. You’ve heard that many women struggle to orgasm during sex so you assume that its a normal thing that you do not either.
5. You do not really know what or how you like to receive pleasure. You are impatiently waiting for your lover to figure it out for you.
6. You judge the quality of sex whether you orgasm. The main goal is to orgasm as fast as possible in order to appear adequate and low-maintenance as a lover. Your inability to orgasm leads to feelings of failure.
7. You find yourself easily distracted or annoyed by small things such as a wrong playlist, street or television noise, temperature in the room, etc.
8. Sex is primarily fast, hard and aggressive. Movements feel rushed with the sole purpose of getting yourself or your partner to orgasm. At some point the body, especially the genitals, begin to feel numb from over-stimulation, often requiring even rougher movements or high-intensity sex toys.
9. The muscles in your vagina are tense and are preventing you from orgasms. Many women experience tension in their vaginal muscles due to rough sex, emotional stress and blockages as well as unpleasant and painful sexual experiences and abuse.
10. Your partner’s hygiene is not great yet you feel too shy to ask them to shower before sex. There is a sense of disgust or revulsion which are you trying to battle during sex. Garlic breath, anyone?
11. You feel ashamed about your true kinks/desires thus never sharing them with your partner. You are worried about being rejected for your “weirdness”.
12. You are worried about unwanted pregnancy or STD’s during lovemaking. You are too shy to ask your partner to use a condom or show you their STD test results.
13. There is a sense of tension in the body during sex, especially the face, jaw and genitals. The tension is created as a way of not loosing ‘the orgasm buildup’. It is exhausting!
14. Sex follows a typical predictable “route” and barely sways off to different directions -mouth kissing > neck kissing > breast licks > belly licking down to the pussy > quick oral sex to make it wet > rapid penetration > fake or real orgasm. Boring and predictable!
15. Primary concentration during sex is on each other’s genitals, with an occasional stroke/lick of the rest of the body. Penetration is considered the main form of sex. It often happens before you are fully aroused.
16. Alcohol/drugs are a constant presence in your love-life. You are unable to relax and let go during sober sex.
17. You often find yourself working hard to become aroused as fast as possible so your partner can penetrate you. You feel ashamed for needing more time to become wet. You are worried that foreplay feels like a chore to your partner.
18. You are having sex for purposes other than pleasure and connection – to get the job/promotion, to piss off an ex, to be vengeful, to be considered cool, as a form of relationship manipulation.
19. You are not sure what your partner actually likes when it comes to sex. In fact, you never shared what you like with them either. You are too insecure to give feedback or ask for something different from your partner for fear of hurting their feelings. You pretend that you are enjoying yourself even though you are not.
20. You are bombarded with distracting insecure thoughts about your body, your taste/smell and sexual performance. You are obsessing over minor things such as a pimple on your butt or an ingrown hair. You are too insecure to share this vulnerability with your partner.
21. You fantasize about someone else while having sex with your partner or you are in love with someone else.
22. There is a lack of intimacy/sensuality during and after sex. You crave cuddling and aftercare yet are too shy to voice this need. There is an awkwardness between you both after sex.
23. You work hard at not being “high maintenance” in bed, often giving up receiving pleasure or faking orgasms. You do not wish for your partner to “work hard”.
24. You do not look at each other in the eye during sex, keeping your eyes closed most of the time. It feels too intimate and scary to do so.
25. You are “performing” an ideal image of a sexy lover in order to impress your partner instead of being yourself (ex. acting like a horny porn star). You are not sure what a ‘true you’ actually is. You are worried to let go and make your true sex noises or facial expressions.
26. You feel pressured to do certain sexual acts that you do not enjoy or which physically hurt you in order to please your partner. Certain sexual acts trigger you.
27. You are passive during love-making. You feel it is your partner’s job to “do all the work”. You just lie there wondering why you can’t orgasm.
28. You feel a time pressure to orgasm, often reaching for the vibrator to assist you. You feel ashamed for needing a toy in order to orgasm.
29. You assume you have no G-spot and do not even try to explore that part of your body.
30. You have casual sex even though you secretly do not enjoy it. Everyone else seems to enjoy it so you are trying to figure out how to have “sex without feelings”. You crave deeper connection and a committed relationship yet too afraid to admit it to those you date.
31. Penetration does not feel pleasurable to you. You feel vaginal tension, dryness and even mild pain after 10-15 minutes. Due to prolonged frisky penetration during partner sex, your vagina feels swollen/sore after sex.
32. You suppress any ‘non-sexy emotions” for fear of ruining the sexy mood such as feelings of tenderness, love, or even crying.
33. You feel too shy to ask your partner to slow down, to take a break or even let them know that you need to pee or water. You are worried it will ruin the mood.
Great sex is MORE than orgasm and rubbing onto a naked partner’s body. Great sex is 10% skills and 90% state of mind.
Orgasmic sex involves genuine pleasure, connection, intimacy, transcendence, compatibility, self-expression and play. Great sex is about expressing one’s unique eroticism. Our eroticism gifts us meaning.
Conventional sex is fast-food sex. It fills up short-term cravings yet leaves you starving in the long run.
Conventional sex is not a sustainable form of love-making and is one of the main reasons why couples eventually stop having sex. It is especially damaging to the female body and sexual psyche.
Lack of knowledge of how the female body operates, lack of emotional connection and excessive stimulation of the genitals leave a woman feeling used and unloved. The body begins to lose its capacity to feel. Eventually, women require harder, faster and more intense stimulation like vibrators in order to feel pleasure.
The idea that women do not desire sex as much as men do is a sad myth. Women simply aren’t having the amazing sex worth craving. When a woman is being made love to the way her body and heart have been designed for, she blossoms as a highly aroused orgasmic woman.
It is time to step out of conventional sex into the world of conscious pleasurable sex!
Who is with me???
Gifts for You:
- Read Diana Richardson’s “Tantric Orgasm for Women” to understand more about the female libido and body.
- Online course with video tutorials, teaching how to touch a woman’s body with ORGASMIC PLEASURE.
- Book a skype consultation with me to learn how to open and fuel your libido within relationships.
Love you, kittens!
